Weird

A Letter to My Grandad

Grandad,

I can’t believe it’s been a year since you passed, time flies by so fast, yet it still feels surreal.  I don’t see you anymore and you’re not here, buried how many feet down in the ground; but it feels like you should still be here.  Not seeing you feels wrong.

Going to your house, it’s weird not having you greet me at the door with one of your famous lines or watch you slowly descending down the stairs.  It’s sad not seeing you at church on a Sabbath and not hearing from you on my birthday wasn’t nice.  In fact, not being able to tell you happy birthday wasn’t nice either – August is our month and it’s a whole lot emptier without you.

There are times when sitting there thinking about you, suddenly remembering that you’re gone, can bring me to tears.  However, there are times when those thoughts bring a smile to my face, as I remember all the good memories I have of you.  Simple little things I took for granted are no longer the same and I wish I could hear another one of your Burton jokes again – you genuinely did make me laugh.

I still miss you so much grandad, a whole twelve months later, and I still want you to come back.  The pain isn’t so raw, but I don’t think my heart will ever fully recover from having you taken away.  There was still so much more for us to say, so much more time for us to spend together and a whole lot more for me to learn from you.  I keep thinking about the joke you told me about Job’s daughters, which you never finished and I never heard the end of, which saddens me more than I can describe.

Grandad, you were my inspiration and my hero, one of the people I looked up to most in the world.  I just hope I can make you proud and continue your legacy, because you were the most humble, loving, genuinely caring, considerate individual I ever knew.  I can’t wait to see you again.

Love you with all my heart.

Shan-Shan

So They Never Feel How I Feel

For some reason, I am overcome with emotion and a sense of care when I see people sitting alone.  If someone’s eating by themself in a restaurant, I get the instant urge to want to join them, even though I’m sure most of them are perfectly fine.

My friends at church tend to find me a little weird when I approach and start speaking to strangers who are sitting on their own, but I see nothing wrong with it.  In fact, I think it’s the right thing to do — as Christians, aren’t we supposed to make everyone feel welcome.

It’s not only at church where I approach people who are sitting or standing alone though.  I do it in a number of places, as long as I’m feeling comfortable and in the right mood to talk.  And do you know why?  Because I never want anyone to feel the way that I feel.

I’m someone who struggles with being confident in a social setting, when I am simply being me.  I’m fine with being at an event for a purpose, like when I’m going to write a review, because sitting alone makes some sense and talking to people for an interview is easier, as the questions are set.  I’m fine being out on the floor dancing, because I don’t have to speak to anyone and there’s nothing wrong with dancing by yourself.  However, I find starting conversations, and at times carrying conversations, with people extremely difficult.

If I don’t know anyone or am not part of a group, I will sit awkwardly on my own, not knowing what to do or where to look.  It becomes very lonely, very quickly, as there are only so many things you can look at on your phone (well, for me anyway).  I want to be able to say something, but no words come to my mind.  I want to be able to approach people, but I don’t want to intrude on their group, so the only thing to do is sit (or stand) alone.

I’ve never been one of the cool kids and I never will be — I’ve always been the awkward loner or nerd who wants to get on with their work — and I’m fine with that.  However, feeling out-of-place and like you don’t fit in can be upsetting, and I hate that.

I approach individuals who are on their own and make the effort to make everyone I meet feel welcome, because as I said before, I never want anyone to feel the way that I feel.  Feeling like a spare part, someone left on the sidelines, is horrible and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

So to all the people who have approached me and made me feel comfortable, welcome, or at ease, I want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  You made me feel like I wasn’t alone.

My Top 5 Qualities in a Guy

Since I shared my Top 5 Features on a Guy with you yesterday, I think it’s only right that I share my Top 5 qualities in a guy with you today.  After all, when it comes to genuine attraction, it’s more about the personality than looks for me.

 

5. Good Listener

My love language is time, so of course I want any guy I’m with to give me the time I need, which means listening to me, particularly when I’m in a bad way.  If a guy is a good listener and willing to take time out to listen to me in my time of need or when I’m talking rubbish, he immediately scores points with me.  It also means that I feel comfortable with him.

 

4. Good Heart

I always look at the heart in a person and if I can see that you have a good heart, then I’m more than willing to take a chance on you.  A good heart is one of the most beautiful things in an individual, especially when it is hidden underneath rough exterior, not allowing everyone to see it.  Even if a guy is a little “bad”, I’d be more than willing to give him a chance if I could see he has a good heart.

 

3. Funny

I’m sorry, but if a guy is not funny then I cannot be with them, because I love to laugh and I like to be entertained.  I need someone who will be able to make me laugh and bring smiles to my face even when I don’t feel like smiling, so if I don’t find a guy funny then it won’t work.  It’s as simple as that.

 

2. Honest

Honesty is an essential quality, because I need to be able to trust the guy that I’m with.  If my boyfriend lies to me or proves that he can’t be trusted, we might as well end the relationship then and there, because I have serious trust issues and it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to trust him again.  I need the man I’m with to be able to open my heart and help me to trust, not tear down my belief in people.

 

1. Weird

My number one quality has to be weird, because if a guy is not weird, then it’s unlikely that I’d even date him.  I love weird people, as I think that they’re the best kind of people and the most fun kind of people.  It’ll be less likely for me to get bored with a weird person and they’d also mesh with me a lot better, as I’m a weird one myself.

 

Now you know my Top 5 qualities in a guy, but I couldn’t end without giving a special mention to one important quality that didn’t make it on the list.  Of course, my guy needs to be a basketball fan, as I want him to be watching the games with me and shouting at the TV beside me.  Do you share any of my Top 5 qualities in a guy?