The past week has been a real mixture of feeling up and down. I’ve been happy, I’ve been excited, I’ve been thriving, but then I’ve been depressed, upset and annoyed.
I’ve found myself questioning the people around me, wondering whether I truly belong in the different family units I’m a part of and worrying about my job. I feel uncomfortable in the places where I once felt comfortable and prefer to be alone (or with my sister), not usually speaking to anyone.
Seeing my granddad ill cuts me deep, as I just want him to be okay again and hear him speaking to me. I want to hear one of his silly jokes or listen to one of his stories about his childhood.
However, I’m happy about some funding I’ve secured and about my interview with East London Lines. I’m thankful for having a home and money in my account when so many others don’t. I’m glad that I have a job, which I not only enjoy, but is also close to my house. I’m happy that I have a sister who I love very much, and who is also my best friend.
But more than anything, I’m thankful for the God I serve who continues to support me and reassure me, even when I find myself constantly worried. I know He will never let me down and He keeps me from going under into that dark place, which is hard to get out of once I’m in it. Knowing that I have Him and His promises keeps me up when there is so much that gets me down.