Terror

A Frightening Increase

It is a little frightening to see the rate at which knife crime is increasing.  It is ridiculous to hear about an individual being stabbed at least once a week, and what makes it worse is that most of these stabbings are in my home of South London.

I think that stabbings are unnecessary and I don’t understand why they are becoming such a frequent occurrence.  Life is precious and I can’t fathom why people have such a lack of respect for it, especially the young people.  When you hear about stabbings, it is usually the young people who are carrying out and on the receiving end of the stabbings.

It is like they see using a knife as an easy way to get what they want or a necessary way to gain “respect”.  They do not think about the consequences and in the blink of an eye, that blade could cost an individual their life.

I understand that there are times when an individual can find themself in a sticky situation, but using a knife is never the answer.  All it does is cause further pain and leads to a reign of terror on the streets.

I hate that I am continuously seeing an increase in knife crime and I am seriously wondering if it is too late to stop it.  We need to step up and do something, which is an issue that I have addressed in my article for The Croydon Citizen.

What Do I Fear?

Today I had a blood test and I was really, really scared.  Although this wasn’t my first blood test (it was my third), I had the same feelings of dread but with slightly less feelings of terror.  I try to put off having blood tests as much as possible and I avoid any injections if I can help it, as they just instill fear in me.

I think that I’ve always had a fear of injections and they are definitely one of the things I am most scared of.  However, injections do not scare me half as much as heights do.  I do not only have a fear of heights; I have a phobia of heights.

Heights have terrified me all of my life – I avoid looking over balconies because I’m so afraid of the height below me.  But I never realised how serious my fear of heights was until I went on a school trip.

During the trip, my teacher forced me to walk to the top of a tower, even though I had told her that I did not want to go any further.  When we reached the top, I became hysterical and burst into a fit of tears, which resulted in me needing assistance to get back down again.  I am still extremely scared of heights, but my fear seems to be less severe.

I’m scared of being stung by wasps or bitten by a poisonous spider.  I’m anxious about falling into a tube or train track.  I have a fear of dogs and losing anyone close to me.  I’m afraid that I’ll never find the one or make it in my chosen career path.  I worry that I’ll never fit in or find my place in the world.

But more than anything, I’m terrified that I won’t be able to fully let go and let God as he makes me the better version of myself.  I’m fighting a crazy battle within my own mind and I’m still struggling with the concept of control.

I fear that I won’t be able to get past all of the negativity and obstacles within me, which I know are holding me back.  The enemy has messed me up so badly that I’m afraid I’m beyond full repair, even though I know that this is not true.

I am a work in progress, struggling with my fears just like everyone else, but I need to come to God with these fears and believe that He will help me through them.

What do you fear?