Stupid

Being Called Stupid

One thing I hate is being called stupid.  It genuinely upsets me and it actually hurts, which people do not seem to realise.

I am a patient person and I take a lot of crap from people, smiling in the face of their foolishness and responding to them in a jokey-y way, even though I am very serious about what I’ve said.

I am a naturally sweet person, but calling me stupid will bring out the cold and sometimes aggressive side of me that I prefer to keep under wraps.  It is especially worse when those close to me call me stupid, because I would not expect them to refer to me in that way.

My reaction to being called stupid is a slight reflection on myself, because I think that I can act very stupid on occasion and there are times when I have thought of myself as stupid.  Although I know that I’m not stupid, I continue to struggle with the feeling that I am, which is definitely something that I need to get past.  I think I have just encountered so many people who have treated me in a certain way, because they saw me as a stupid girl.

Being called stupid goes alongside my feelings of not being good enough and seeing myself as the problem, which I am doing my best to get away from.  However, when that word is directed at me, I think that those feelings rise up somewhere within me and subconsciously affect my emotions.

This is always something that will bother me, but it truly hurts me and gets under my skin if the people that I love say it to me, because I seriously do not like it.  So whatever you do, don’t call me stupid.

Questions of the Heart

Do you know how stupid it feels to be into someone that you barely even know?

Do you know how weird it feels to really care about someone that you’ve only met a handful of times?

Do you know how annoying it is to have feelings for someone who clearly doesn’t have those same feelings for you?

Do you know how long it gets to hear that someone is not good enough for you or even good for you?

Is it odd to be into someone who leads a completely different life and is on a totally different level to you?

Is it crazy to feel a connection and deep-rooted attraction to someone who is practically a stranger?

Is it wrong to wish that you’d see someone again just so that you’d get another chance to speak to them?

Is it pathetic for you to still want a person to call, even though they’ve left you hanging for a long period of time?

Is it a pointless endeavour for you to keep someone in your prayers, because you want the best for them, even though they might not want the same thing?

Why is it that people stay on your mind, even when you no longer want them there?

Why is it that the wrong people find a way to tug at your heartstrings?

Why is it that I’m still into you and why is it that my feelings won’t go away, even when you don’t deserve it?  Is it just that I’m a sucker for heartbreak and pain?