Steps Forward

No Idea Why

I hate when I feel like this.

Sad, low, easily irritated, a little depressed; but with no idea why.

My body is overcome with feelings and negative emotions torture my heart, yet I have no idea where it’s stemming from and that is frustrating.

I’m so done with these random dreary outbursts, which put me in the strangest moods and make me feel terrible about myself.

I start feeling ugly, like a failure, hating myself and hating life.

However, I have begun to see one common thread – these feelings now kick in when an event I’m hosting is coming up, as if my body is immediately fearing failure before it happens.

It seems that fear is now gaining control of me, despite how much I may try to fight it and that is disturbing in a sense.

Why does it feel that no matter how many steps I take forward, I’m always taking multiple steps back?

This is why I get so tired of fighting, because it seems like a futile action at times.

It’s as if I’ll be stuck in this droll for the rest of my days, struggling with it mostly alone, because I’m sure the people in my life must get tired of hearing about me being down and down on myself.

Nevertheless, there is one consolation – I know this dark cloud will eventually pass.

Still a Work in Progress

I’d say that my main motto in life right now is “I’m a work in progress”, as it is the phrase that sums up where I am and what I’m going through.

Although I’ve come a long way over the past year and taken numerous steps forward, I still have far to go and there have been times when I find myself taking steps backward.

I still find that I’m not entirely happy within myself, which is a major issue that can affect my mood and self-esteem, but I am determined to change that.

I am a fighter who is naturally full of positive energy, but I need my God to strengthen me, because I do fall down sometimes and find myself in a pit of negative energy.

The constant fighting can become tiring at times and I find myself drained, yet I keep remembering that I am not doing it on my own, because God will always be beside me.

I am not ashamed to admit that I am a work in progress, because I am not perfect and I never will be, but I do want to figure out what is not clicking inside of me, because I need to feel better within myself.

It’s just another step in my journey and you know what I say, may they work continue.