Smile

People

Like a lot of my poems, ‘People’ was born out of struggles and sadness.  This poem was written during The Complete Freedom of Truth when I needed time to myself, and was inspired by situations from the past few months when I’ve really struggled to be around people and needed time to get my emotions together.

People.

I have a real love-hate thing

With people.

Sometimes loving people,

Sometimes not,

At times wanting to integrate with them,

Other times desperate to be away from them.

When I’m in the right setting,

In a good place within,

People bring me joy,

Put a smile on my face,

Leave my heart bursting,

With love.

Yet if I’m in a bad place,

Swimming in a sea of people

Is the worst possible thing;

Easily infuriated,

I don’t want to talk,

Wanting to cry,

At any fleeting moment.

Some people ask what’s wrong,

Might try to engage in conversation,

But barely any words get said,

Feelings kept hidden below.

I hate letting my guard down,

Letting others see my pain;

In those times,

Preparing to keep myself to myself,

As my own company is best,

Not offending,

Annoying anyone else,

Giving my emotions time to rest;

Because even if I reveal

How I feel

To them,

Would I express it correctly,

Would they truly understand?

People will be people,

That will never change,

But I can change my location,

Making sure I’m not in their way.

You Saw Me

You saw me;

You looked past my smile,

The one you said was beautiful,

And you saw me;

Looking past the mask

I wear so well,

You saw me.

You saw the sadness,

The pain I’ve felt,

All the heartbreak and anguish,

Going deeper than the surface

And seeing into my soul;

Not like so many others,

Who say I’m always happy,

You saw me,

The real me —

The real me

That most don’t get the chance,

Or take the time to see.

You saw me,

Taking me by surprise

In a way no one ever has before;

Instantly that connection was made.

Conversation flowed,

Stories were shared,

Somehow I opened up,

I never thought I would again.

You saw me,

Accepted me for everything I am,

Made me smile, cry and laugh,

Start believing I could open my heart again.

So much more

I wish I could have said to you,

But the past is the past;

I plan to meet you once more,

As you’re in my heart forever

And my love for you will always last,

Because you who saw me.

Basking in the Happiness

On Saturday, my cousin told me that I looked happy, which came as a surprise, because I’d been feeling far from happy just a few days ago.  In that same week, I’d been crying my eyes out, feeling uneasy about myself and tiring of people.

However, as I stopped to think about it, I realised that I did feel happy on that day and in that moment.  Tomorrow might have been different and I might have found myself wrapped up in sadness again, but it didn’t make a difference, because I was happy in that moment.  I was actually taking the time to enjoy the present, which unfortunately isn’t something that I do very often.

I got to thinking about why I was feeling happy and it dawned on me that I was back in a place that where I felt comfortable and loved — a place that would always feel like home.  Stepping through the front doors and walking past the various rooms I was so familiar with, I was instantly hit with nostalgia that brought a huge smile to my face.

This was my home away from home, the house where I spent so many hours of my teenage and early adult years, with so many of the people who I love and adore.  Countless memories were made here that will stay in my mind forever, filled with joy, emotion and laughter.  The fun movie nights, crazy sleepovers and huge gatherings, which had the house overflowing with noise.

Despite meaning to visit, I hadn’t been to my home away from home in years, so returning to celebrate the birthday of one of the people I love and call family was the perfect opportunity.  I was surprised to see that so much changed, but much to my comfort, so much had remained the same.

Although time has moved forward and things have changed, the memories I have from that house will forever stay the same — thinking about them will never fail to bring joy to my heart and put a smile on my face.

Really, all I’m trying to say, is that it was nice to be back in a place that felt like home and bask in the good times, which is something that will always cause a sense of happiness to well up within me.