Release Through Tears

Over the past few days I’ve cried tears, so many tears, filled with different emotions and feelings.  I’ve cried tears of anger, tears of annoyance, tears of hurt and tears of things I cannot even explain.

You see, I’m someone who doesn’t like to let others see my feelings, which includes seeing me cry.  I’d prefer to hide those feelings or subconsciously repress them, because I don’t want to let my guard down.  I don’t want others to see me vulnerable or think me weak.

As someone who is usually sweet, kind and finds it hard to say no, I am already an easy target for others and someone they can walk over.  So letting them see me upset, angry or in fits of tears puts me in a worse position, as I believe that they will now see me as weak.

I’m an individual trying my hardest to stay strong in a world that seems to love tearing me down, so of course I want to put up a strong front.  Letting others think I’m weak is the last thing I want.

However, bottling up those feelings isn’t a good thing and keeping them under wraps can feel like a heavy weight dragging me down, but telling someone isn’t always an option for me, so I release hurt and frustrations behind closed doors.

I will cry streams of tears, I might throw things and I’ll pour my heart out to God, because I know He’s always listening without passing judgement and He won’t get tired of hearing the same things again and again.

Sometimes I don’t like that I cry so much and that I get over emotional, but it’s my way of release and it prevents me from lashing out more at others.  I’d also rather cry until my head hurts or my eyes are sore as a way of dealing with my struggles, instead of taking a knife to my skin and cutting myself.

It’s very rare that I’ve let others see me cry and it will continue to be a rarity, as I don’t want to give others the satisfaction, but I do want to work on letting my guard down and letting my feelings come naturally, especially for when that guy I love comes along.  Like I always say though, I’m still a work in progress.


A Beautiful Face

I have to admit: I’m a sucker for a beautiful face.  I really am.  And when I say a beautiful face, I don’t mean the beautiful face of a female but the beautiful face of a male.

When I say that a male is really pretty or so beautiful, a lot of people look at me like I’m a little crazy, but it is not only females that can be described as beautiful.  There are so many males with lovely faces that can warm your heart and lead to big smiles; personally, I could spend all day looking at them and I’d be content.

Something about a male’s beautiful face makes me very happy, as I am drawn in by the allure that their face brings.  I also like to look at the loveliness that others may not be able to see or fully understand, because calling a man beautiful can be seen as weird.

Colin Kaepernick has an unbelievably lovely face that I never tire of looking at and every time I see his gorgeous smile it just makes my heart melt.  Jared Leto is mesmerising and incredibly pretty with striking blue eyes, alluring features and truly amazing hair.  And before Michael Jackson went too far in amending his physical appearance, he had delicate features, great hair and an ultimately beautiful face.

Describing a man as beautiful or pretty is not something that I say very often, because it is very rare for me to see a man who I believe deserves this compliment.  There has to be something truly special, warm and entrancing about his face that makes him stand out so much from others, that I would be happy to stare at him for hours on end.

And I really do appreciate a beautiful male face once I find one, because they have been blessed with something special.  Hey, what can I say?  I’m a sucker for a beautiful face…