Power

The Power of Speaking Out

As I’ve grown up, struggling with self harm has been one of the most difficult things in my life, and although I have not self harmed in years, I know it is a battle I will be facing for the rest of my life.

However, I’ve found that speaking out about my experience has helped to release the burden, while also making it seem more real.

I recently carried out an interview on UnTangledFM’s ‘We Got Issuez’ show, speaking about my journey with self harm out loud, rather than through written methods.

Carrying out the interview was a refreshing experience for me and I was happy with how it was handled.  I just hope that it will serve as a positive for at least one young person and encourage those who are struggling with self harm to come forward, as it’s never good to suffer in silence.

Listening back to my interview even gave me some hope when going through a time of inner turmoil, which made my mind turn to thoughts of harming myself again.  I refused to go through with it and although I am not through the woods yet, I know that self harm is not the solution and I’m going to make it through this storm.

Listen to my interview here: https://audioboom.com/boos/3136845-self-respect-or-self-harm

 

Care Less

I know I keep saying this, but I need to care less.  I was speaking to my sister yesterday and she made it clear to me that I need to stop letting things affect me so much.

I have realised that I let certain situations and certain people have to big of an effect on me, but I have actually been trying to change that.  However, it has not been easy and it is one of the issues in my life that continues to have a major effect on me.

I allow people to have too much power over me and control my emotions in some way, which I want to get away from.  I am always thinking about others and what they want, instead of taking the time out to look after myself, which usually results in me feeling wounded while they are walking around living their lives without giving me one thought.

My sister said that I am a people pleaser and you know what, I have to agree with that.  I hate that I agree with that, but it’s the truth.  I care way too much about what people think of me, so I strive to please them or act in a way that would make them happy.  I struggle with saying no and I always think about the way that I being perceived.

I already lost myself in trying to be what others wanted me to be and I refuse to go back there again, but I need to find a way to stand up for myself and stop trying to please everyone.  My desire to please people has led to me being walked over and feeling as if I am always the problem, but this has to stop now.

I don’t want to stop caring entirely, because that is not in my nature and I love people.  However, I need to care less and focus a little more on being my own person rather than being who others want me to be.  Once that happens, I believe that I will be comfortable with who I am, I will grow in confidence and I will stop being so hard on myself.

When I am less hard on myself, I’m sure that I will thrive and then I believe that God will send me the guy of my dreams.  The devil knows that I am hard on myself and I see that he is using it against me, but again, I’m leaving it up to God because I know He has my back.  As I always say, I am a work in progress…

Lies

I don’t understand how some individuals can lie so easily; it’s like it comes naturally to them.  Sometimes they do it just to cover their back and with others, the lies simply fly out of their mouths like second nature.

I don’t like when people lie to me and I find that people do it far too often, which I think is where a lot of my trust issues arose from.  Sometimes the truth hurts, but I would rather have someone tell me a hurtful truth than lie to me to cover it up.  I feel that their attempt to cover up is a way of making them feel better rather than me, as I feel a whole lot worse when I find out that I have been lied to.

But what I really can’t stand is when people in authority or in power tell lies.  These lies are usually told so that they can get their own way, cover up their mistakes or to manipulate others.  These individuals can get away with these lies so often and it makes me sick, because they have a huge effect on people’s lives.

There are also numerous compulsive liars, who do not know where the truth ends and their lies begin.  Sometimes these individuals are telling blatant lies, which others can see right through, but they continue to protest that they are telling the truth.  It is as if they lie so much that they eventually start believing the lies themselves.

Although I have told some lies in the past, I really dislike telling lies and I don’t want to tell any lies in the present or future.  I’d rather tell the truth and I don’t see not telling someone certain pieces of information as a lie.

I think that telling far less lies would solve and prevent quite a few problems, as it is an improvement in communication.  There needs to be a lot more truth in this world.