See What They See

After speaking to my wonderful friend Ellie, I was inspired to write this poem:

Amazing, beautiful, special

Is what they see,

Looking at me with a loving gaze;

I wish I could see what they see.

Lacking confidence,


Not loving my face,

Hating my body.

Not worth worrying about,

A plump basic girl,

That’s how I see myself

Without a doubt.

I wish I thought better,

But I don’t,

Struggling to value myself

As much as others,

I think I missed that boat.


It is very interesting to learn how people perceive me.  Many think I have a lot of confidence and never believe I could be shy, but those closest to me know this isn’t really the case.  I’m actually a lot less confident than some would believe.

I am a shy individual at heart, who has lost a lot of confidence over the years, although I am not shy all of the time.  People have this misconception that I could never be a shy person and I am at times over-confident, but this is just a front I have.  Yes, it is a part of who I am, but the shy side is a part of me as well.

My confidence comes in different forms, like when I am acting or speaking out in public; yet when I begin speaking about something personal or close to my heart, I feel really nervous.  This is mainly because I struggle with opening up to people and I am giving them an insight into my life, which they may not have had before.

Being around my friends can also give me confidence, enabling me to step out of my comfort zone or speak to people I wouldn’t usually speak to.  My friends are like my support system, but I also feel very comfortable around them.

Once I feel comfortable around a person or in a particular surroundings, my confidence levels automatically rise.  I’m more likely to speak to someone new, especially if they are on their own and I don’t want them to feel out-of-place.  However, I will get nervous when speaking to a guy I like, despite having my friends with me or even if they are a good friend of mine.

Yet what most people don’t know, is that my confidence has been shattered on more than one occasion over the years, and that the confidence they think they see is just a front created by me to hide the hurt.  There are times when I have to fake it to make it, but I am slowly building up my confidence again so that I can get back to fully being me.

Although I can be shy at times, my confidence is a large part of who I am and I really want to get it back.  I am a person who has been described as “not backward in being forward”, which is the female that I want to be again.  I want to have a genuine confidence and lose the facade I created in order for people take notice of me, so that I stopped feeling invisible.  I know it’s there for the taking, so I just need to get some guidance, keep the faith and then go out there and take it…