Mood

Getting in the Mood

I love a good ball game, full of lead changes, great plays and excitement.  It’s even better when a game goes into overtime, enabling me to enjoy extra minutes of intense play.

I just finished watching the Duke vs North Carolina men’s basketball game, which I look forward to every year.  This is the best rivalry in college basketball and every game these teams play against each other exemplifies why.

The hype around this game was amazing and the stadium was electric.  I really wish I could have been there, as this game did not fail to disappoint.  Duke threw punches, then North Carolina fought back with some punches of their own, before Duke delivered the eventual knock out.

I adore college basketball and I love games like this, as they just have me gripped to the screen, with my heart beating fast as I cheer with the crowd.  I cannot wait for the rematch on March 7th, which is bound to be great, as North Carolina seek vengeance on their home floor.

It is also getting me in the mood for March Madness, which is without a doubt, one of my favourite times of the year.  That is going to be full of many good ball games and I cannot wait.

Still a Work in Progress

I’d say that my main motto in life right now is “I’m a work in progress”, as it is the phrase that sums up where I am and what I’m going through.

Although I’ve come a long way over the past year and taken numerous steps forward, I still have far to go and there have been times when I find myself taking steps backward.

I still find that I’m not entirely happy within myself, which is a major issue that can affect my mood and self-esteem, but I am determined to change that.

I am a fighter who is naturally full of positive energy, but I need my God to strengthen me, because I do fall down sometimes and find myself in a pit of negative energy.

The constant fighting can become tiring at times and I find myself drained, yet I keep remembering that I am not doing it on my own, because God will always be beside me.

I am not ashamed to admit that I am a work in progress, because I am not perfect and I never will be, but I do want to figure out what is not clicking inside of me, because I need to feel better within myself.

It’s just another step in my journey and you know what I say, may they work continue.

So-Called “Friends”

I’ve been in a bit of a mood recently, because I’ve got way too many so-called “friends” in my life right now, mixed up a with a good number of fake friends.

My friendships mean a lot to me and if I say that someone is my friend then I take it seriously.  I care about the wellbeing of that person, I want to know that they’re doing well, I support them in whatever they’re going through, I take the time to check up on them and I let them know that I love them and will be there for them.

Even when a friendship falls apart or I don’t want that particular individual to play a major part in my life anymore, I won’t automatically stop caring about them or loving them, because I love everyone.  If they were going through a really difficult time, I would show them my support.  If someone was shooting at them, I’d be there to push them out the way and even take the bullet for them.

I don’t always like people or appreciate the way they carry on, but I ultimately love people and I want to see them happy, prosperous and enjoying life.  Seeing someone depressed, isolated, hurting or struggling strikes a chord with me that makes me want to do anything I can to make them feel better.  I always tell my friends that I’m here to make them smile or feel good.

In spite of the love I have for my friends, I’m not giving them so much of myself anymore, because it feels like I hardly get anything back in return.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that you should give to receive and there are a number of my friends who give themselves back.  But giving so much of my heart and my love and my care to others can be painful – and at times slightly draining – when they don’t give anything back.

There are too many of my friends that seem to take me for granted and only come to me when they need something, whether it be a favour or someone’s number or a piece of information.  Hardly any of them simply message me to say “Hi” or just to check up on me.

I’m tired of being the “friend” that’s ignored, practically invisible, seen as second best, messed around, treated like a mug and so easily forgotten about.  It’s been a common occurrence for too long in my life and I’m actually fed up of it, so I care a lot less about these people now.

My sister has said that I’m hard-hearted and that I have a hard exterior, but that isn’t strictly true.  Yes, I’ve hardened my heart slightly, but it’s still full of love.  And yes, I have a harder exterior – which I have every right to have – but I’m still fragile, open and honest.

I refuse to let people walk all over me and hurt me and use me like they’ve done in the past, which is why I’m a lot harder on people.  I’ll forgive you and I’ll give you multiple chances, but I will be wary of you, more careful and distrusting.

People in my life, especially my friends, have a way of letting me down and making it seem like I’m the problem.  This is why I really struggle with letting new people in, which is something that really scares me as I prepare to find a husband.  I don’t want to feel like I can’t let anyone in or continuously believe that I’m the problem, but there are individuals around me that make it so easy.

My life is changing, people are changing and I am changing.  I am doing my best to not let people affect me and I am dropping people who are not any good for me.  I’m distancing myself and cutting myself off from a number of people, because I’ve gone past the point of caring and I refuse to keep making excuses.  I’m done with these so-called “friends” of mine.