I Love You

A Letter to My Aunty Joce

Aunty Joce,

I’m sitting here thinking that I cannot believe it’s been a whole year since you passed.  It’s been a whole year since I felt the shock of those six words, uttered from my mum’s mouth.  It’s been a whole year since you were cruelly taken away from us, without warning.  It’s been a whole year without you and it sucks.

The time has flown by and I guess that doesn’t make dealing with the pain any better.  It feels like you should still be here among us, making me laugh with your dry humour and many brilliant stories.  You should still be in the kitchen, whipping up food like it’s a sport.  You should still be out shopping for your bargains, leaving your reading glasses here and there, watching Judge Judy on TV.

You should also still be here to bring light to our family.  Seriously Aunty Joce, family gatherings and special occasions have not felt the same without you.  It’s like there is a big, gaping hole that will never, ever be filled.  I remember thinking how much you would have loved Uncle Selo and Aunty Doriel’s masquerade party.  There were numerous times when I thought about how you would have had me overflowing with laughter at grandma’s last birthday celebration – there were some wise cracks that only would have come from your mouth and I genuinely missed that.

Twelve months have passed, but that hasn’t stopped the pain I feel and I don’t think that pain will ever fully go away.  That pain feels especially raw now, as I mourn an uncle who was snatched away suddenly – not only am I reminded of the cruel way we lost you, but I don’t have your kind and supportive words to comfort me at this time.  I know that you would have sent me a message, because you were so wonderful like that.

August felt really raw as well, because you know, that’s our birthday month.  I didn’t get a lovely message from you and I wasn’t able to send a message to you either, which felt horrible.  I hate that a month that was so full of birthdays is now emptier without you in it.  However, knowing that we shared that bond will always make it extra special.

I still miss you so much Aunty Joce, but the many memories of you still remain and I hope they will never fade.  They bring a smile to my face as I remember you at your best, rather than the tears that spring to my eyes when I recall that you’ve passed.  I just live in hope that I’ll see you again on that great day when my Jesus returns.

I love you with all my heart, always and forever.

Shan x

Not Afraid to Say I Love You

I love you.

Eight letters,

Three words,

That I’m not afraid to say.

Some shy away from it,

Or word it in a subtle way;

But I can’t understand why,

Because there’s nothing wrong or shameful

In expressing your love.

Expressing you love

For family,

For friends,

For boyfriends or girlfriends,

For husbands or wives.

My heart is full,

Bursting to the brim

With love.

So full,

That I’m desperate to share it,

Before I burst

Or all my love dries up,

Leaving my heart shrivelled on the floor.

Fullness of love

Can be a beautiful thing,

Spreading joy like stardust,

Putting shining smiles on the faces of others.

Those three simple words

Might brighten a person’s day,

Making the sun come out,

Where once there was darkness.

That fullness of love

Can also be a curse,

As others continuously drink from the well,

Without pouring anything back,

Leaving me empty, used, dried up,

Thirsting for some of the love

I’ve given to those around me.

Yet no matter what happens,

I will never stop saying I love you,

Because those three simple words,

Coated in beauty

Have the power to make a huge difference.

 

 

 

 

The People in My Life

I really love the people in my life.  They all bring something different to the table and they I know that each of them is in my life for a reason, whatever reason that may be.

I don’t keep just everyone as a constant in my life and I don’t hold everyone close to my chest, but those who are there matter to me.  Some of the individuals in my life matter to me more than they probably even realise and I am sure that I take some of them for granted.

However, I want to do something about that and I want to show the people in my life more appreciation. There is no sweeter feeling than when a friend or family member randomly says I love you, or reels off a bunch of nice words dedicated to you.

Over time, I plan to write a series of posts about the beautiful and interesting people in my life, because I love them so much and I want to bring some extra light and warmth to their day with words of kindness.  However, I intend to make these posts anonymous and allow the people in my life to work out that I am writing about them.  Hopefully what I’ve written will be transparent and personal enough for each individual to realise that my post is actually about them.