House

My Sister & I

As I was sat today looking at my sister, I thought about the future when we would be living apart, when she would be married and I would be married.  No longer living in the same house, no longer sharing the same room.

You see, people don’t understand how close my sister and I are, just how attached we are.  She’s not just my sister, but she’s my best friend, my little baby, my confidant, the person who knows everything about me, the person who means more to me than anything in the world to me.

You see, there are times when I’ve been holding on by a thread, and the only thing that kept me hanging on was wanting to be there for my sister to support her.  I could never intentionally leave her alone in this world.

The thought of one day living in totally different house from her makes me sad, because of all the jokes we’ve had together and all of our late night girl talks.   We laugh at things that nobody else would understand, we sing songs that the other is thinking and we come out with exactly the same reactions at the same time.

My sister and I have a very special bond — I say that we’re twins born three years apart.  As we get older, the prospect of living apart gets closer, which is a little difficult to face up to.  Over the course of this year has actually been the longest time we’ve spent apart, as I’ve spent almost three weeks away from her.  When I was away in Bosnia for two weeks, I didn’t realise how much I’d miss her.

My sister, my Rhi Rhi, my best friend is also my other half and words cannot express how much I love her.  We both want happiness for the other, so of course we’re going support one another getting married, but it doesn’t mean that we’re not going to miss each other a whole lot.

Too Much

At times, being in this house can be a lot, but at the moment it is just becoming too much.  I want to escape, but this is not possible when I am low on funds, a struggling fashion student about to go into my final year and I would have no idea where to go.

Trying to become more positive and work through my issues is becoming very difficult, as I feel like I am regularly being surrounded by negative energy.  How am I supposed to be better with this around me, because there is only so much I can do and only so much I can take.

Why am I always being shouted at or moaned at?  Why am I always being criticised?  Why do I have to put up with being put down?  Why must hurtful things be said to me that cut me deep?  Why am regularly met with aggression and selfish behaviour? Why can you never see how your behaviour affects me, my emotions and my actions?

It is difficult being here and it feels like I am never going to fully change until I get out.  I’m tired of feeling like I’m being provoked and I’m really sick of feeling annoyed, angry and upset.  I am trying to be a happier and more positive person, but I feel like my progress is stilted, because being here is just too much…