Staying Quiet

Yesterday, a friend of mine who had not been around for a while asked me why I was so quiet, saying that I used to be the life and soul, or something like that.  Another one of my friends responded by saying that I matured, but I wouldn’t say that’s it, although getting older and slightly wiser may have a minor part to play.

First off, it has a lot to do with me not being the same person I was all those years ago.  I’m more in tune with who I am now, so I don’t feel the need to be overly excited and bubbly to hide my insecurities or attract attention from those around me.  I prefer to sit quietly observing, speaking when I have something to say and receiving attention based on who I genuinely am, rather than the act I put on so you don’t see the real me.

Another reason for my quietness is the state of mind I’m in at the moment.  I’m already someone who doesn’t like speaking for the sake of it, but when I’m going through one of my darker periods, I’ll say fewer words until I feel really convicted to say something.  I don’t want to shut myself off from the world and not give time to the people I love, because that would go against my new mantra, which involves me trying to stay more connected to others and give more of my time, just like my late uncle and grandad.  Nevertheless, I don’t think I’ll be able to be fully happy and chatty when around them – not for now anyway.

To tell you the truth, my mind isn’t really here half of the time and the whole of me is fighting to stay alive.  There are times when I may be quiet, because I’m there in body but not in any way else.  I’ll smile and speak when needed so you wouldn’t know.

And if I’m being perfectly honest, I’m not around that particular group of friends so much any more or I’ve felt shut out from certain sub-groups that have formed, so there are times when I will feel a little uncomfortable or out-of-place.  I also tend to feel like an outsider anyway, so that doesn’t help.

That is why I’m quiet and why I probably always will be quiet – unless I feel passionate about a subject or have something to say.  Talking isn’t something I’m going to be doing a whole lot of anymore.


My Top 5 Qualities in a Guy

Since I shared my Top 5 Features on a Guy with you yesterday, I think it’s only right that I share my Top 5 qualities in a guy with you today.  After all, when it comes to genuine attraction, it’s more about the personality than looks for me.


5. Good Listener

My love language is time, so of course I want any guy I’m with to give me the time I need, which means listening to me, particularly when I’m in a bad way.  If a guy is a good listener and willing to take time out to listen to me in my time of need or when I’m talking rubbish, he immediately scores points with me.  It also means that I feel comfortable with him.


4. Good Heart

I always look at the heart in a person and if I can see that you have a good heart, then I’m more than willing to take a chance on you.  A good heart is one of the most beautiful things in an individual, especially when it is hidden underneath rough exterior, not allowing everyone to see it.  Even if a guy is a little “bad”, I’d be more than willing to give him a chance if I could see he has a good heart.


3. Funny

I’m sorry, but if a guy is not funny then I cannot be with them, because I love to laugh and I like to be entertained.  I need someone who will be able to make me laugh and bring smiles to my face even when I don’t feel like smiling, so if I don’t find a guy funny then it won’t work.  It’s as simple as that.


2. Honest

Honesty is an essential quality, because I need to be able to trust the guy that I’m with.  If my boyfriend lies to me or proves that he can’t be trusted, we might as well end the relationship then and there, because I have serious trust issues and it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to trust him again.  I need the man I’m with to be able to open my heart and help me to trust, not tear down my belief in people.


1. Weird

My number one quality has to be weird, because if a guy is not weird, then it’s unlikely that I’d even date him.  I love weird people, as I think that they’re the best kind of people and the most fun kind of people.  It’ll be less likely for me to get bored with a weird person and they’d also mesh with me a lot better, as I’m a weird one myself.


Now you know my Top 5 qualities in a guy, but I couldn’t end without giving a special mention to one important quality that didn’t make it on the list.  Of course, my guy needs to be a basketball fan, as I want him to be watching the games with me and shouting at the TV beside me.  Do you share any of my Top 5 qualities in a guy?

One of the friendliest people you will ever meet

As my friends from church and I spent time together in a large group for the first time in ages, I got to thinking about one of the people who was missing, because she had already returned to university up north.  It feels like we haven’t seen each other for almost a year and I think that it has been far too long.

Time goes by, people get older and as you get busier, you see less and less of the ones you love, which can be quite depressing and a little upsetting at times.  It makes me feel slightly sad inside as I think about how long I haven’t seen my friend for.  There was a time when we were the best of friends and I would see her like everyday, because we attended the same school as well as the same church.

We’d spend lunch and break times talking about random stuff, while also having meaningful conversations.  She’d thread my eyebrows, and it seems that she was only person who was able to get my troubled eyebrows into matching shapes.  We’d go shopping together, along with my sister, and I’ll never forget her persuading me to buy boyfriend jeans or advising me on the right pair of trainers.

Our friendship could be quite tumultuous at times, but we could always rely on each other to be honest with the other.  In fact, there were times when we could be frankly honest with one another, but that was okay, because of the nature of our relationship.  That type of honesty is a rarity and I think it was what made our friendship so special.

It was really sad when her and her family moved house, because we had become so used to living in walking distance from one another.  A lot of time was spent at each other’s houses and she is probably the only friend who has come with us to our grandparents’ house on a Friday night.

You know that I love being around weird people, and she is one of the weirdest people I know.  Her personality is definitely one in a million and the random things she comes out with are hilarious.  Sometimes all you can do is sit there and say, “I can’t believe you just said that”.

She always forgets birthdays, but she makes a great effort to try to remember  and she is actually getting so much better now.  She was one of the people who made my 18th birthday so special and I will always be grateful to her for that.  She is incredibly awkward, but she will be there for you when you’re down and she is one of the friendliest people you will ever meet.  Everyone loves her and so do I, because she is one of the best people to know.