Heal

Riding The Two-Week Emotional Roller Coaster

Up, down,

Round and round,

Not knowing what to think,

What to feel,

Taking me on a roller coaster of emotions.

Riding that roller coaster

Over the past two weeks,

On a journey more special

Than I ever imagined.

Surrounded by friends,

Old and new,

Further developing my extended family,

I was encircled by love,

Filling my heart to the full,

Falling in love with all around me.

In spite of this love,

I felt a sadness,

Pain cutting through my heart

With no way to stop it.

Grief hit me,

A sense of loneliness overtook me,

Feeling hurt by somebody,

Like an outsider around everybody.

Taking some time out,

Some time to recuperate,

I began to heal, smile

Grow, learn,

Embrace all that was going on around me.

 

Suddenly, believing love was possible again,

Laying myself bare for all to see,

Gaining a better understanding of who I was,

And what I could really be.

Overcome with sadness to be going home,

But filled with happiness and glee,

It was time for this ride to come to an end,

It had become a little too much for me.

I finished this ride feeling

Like I had at the start,

A little unsure,

Quite out-of-place,

A little despondent at heart;

Not looking at some the same way,

Feeling a bond had been broken,

Confused at how I got someone so wrong,

But not surprised, as they are human.

My feelings may have been the same,

But I was different,

Reacting, handling things in a better way,

This emotional roller coaster was truly special,

No one can ever take that away.

My Broken Heart

Heartbroken

I told you before that my heart was broken, and this painting was my way of expressing that.  I was able to let out all that pain, anguish and anger with my paintbrush and leave it all on the page.

My heart is still a little broken, as it has not been whole for a long time, but I am feeling a lot better than I was.

As I told the person who broke my heart yesterday, it is going to take a lot of time to truly mend my broken heart, but I appreciate those who are willing to try.

The cracks in my heart are still there, but I can say that they are slowly starting to heal and that is putting a big, bright, genuine smile back on my face.

Sitting in Gloom

I’m sitting inside and looking out at a horribly gloomy day.  It already looks dark even though sunset isn’t for another 25 minutes and rain is pouring down, splashing against the window.  The wind blows slightly, as I sit feeling cold inside my house.

This is my least favourite time of the year – I truly hate it – and it always seems to bring me down a notch.  Spring is beautiful and warm, with the blossoms falling from the trees.  Summer is fun and bright, as the sun shines down on me and welcomes me to another year of life.  Winter is festive and joyful with a sense of warmth, as I celebrate Christmas and the New Year.

But Autumn is usually cold and dreary, with the leaves that have fallen becoming wet, slippery and squelchy because of the rain.  It means that summer has drawn to a close, I might have to return to school or uni and I will unfortunately have to start wearing coats again.  There is also Guy Fawkes and Halloween, which I have no interest in at all.

I just find autumn dead, dark and depressing, making me feel worse than any other time of the year.  Yet during this year’s autumn, I feel a lot more down than usual.  Yes, the weather does make me a little low and yes, the fact that it’s autumn does bother me; but it’s more than that.

I’ve opened up a number of old wounds that I am now treating as best as I can, so that I can finally begin to heal.  I seem to experiencing some sort of sting from these wounds each day, which is bringing my overall mood down and leaving me to sit in my own gloom.

However, I know that my wounds will eventually heal and autumn will eventually become winter.  It will take a bit of time, but eventually – I won’t be sitting in gloom anymore.