Hate

I Promise

“I promise.”

I hate that phrase.  I despise it, because about 95% of the time, it is pointless, flung out of the mouth of another person probably without them thinking.  In fact, I hate when anyone promises me anything, because it is usually a lie or yet more empty words.

Lies and empty words seem to be points that I am continuously coming back to these days, but unfortunately they are far too common and regularly uttered by individuals.  Why is it so hard to genuinely mean what you say?

Words should measure up with your actions, except that often isn’t the case anymore and I don’t understand why.  It frustrates me, because the words shouldn’t leave your mind if you didn’t mean them in the first place.  I guess it’s my fault though for having some sort of expectation – you shouldn’t expect anything from anyone.  Most have the tendency to let you down.

However, nothing angers me more than people throwing around the word promise and not following through with what they “promised” to do or suddenly switching up on you.  People are way too inconsistent, especially males, and I am freaking tired of it.  Just be who you are, follow through on your words and stop switching up your personality.  I honestly don’t know what to think of some individuals anymore, and I hate that, because then I don’t know how to act around them.

The only promises I can truly trust and believe in are God’s promises, because I know His words are truth.  My God has never switched up on me and I know he never, ever will.  His promises are the only ones that matter and the only ones I can take seriously, because His words have never been empty.

No Idea Why

I hate when I feel like this.

Sad, low, easily irritated, a little depressed; but with no idea why.

My body is overcome with feelings and negative emotions torture my heart, yet I have no idea where it’s stemming from and that is frustrating.

I’m so done with these random dreary outbursts, which put me in the strangest moods and make me feel terrible about myself.

I start feeling ugly, like a failure, hating myself and hating life.

However, I have begun to see one common thread – these feelings now kick in when an event I’m hosting is coming up, as if my body is immediately fearing failure before it happens.

It seems that fear is now gaining control of me, despite how much I may try to fight it and that is disturbing in a sense.

Why does it feel that no matter how many steps I take forward, I’m always taking multiple steps back?

This is why I get so tired of fighting, because it seems like a futile action at times.

It’s as if I’ll be stuck in this droll for the rest of my days, struggling with it mostly alone, because I’m sure the people in my life must get tired of hearing about me being down and down on myself.

Nevertheless, there is one consolation – I know this dark cloud will eventually pass.

What has become of the human race and the world we live in?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  And again.  And again.  I hate this world – with a passion.  Words cannot even express how much I hate this world we live in.  It’s sad, depressing, backwards, selfish, twisted and very, very sick.

The human race has become an abhorrent disgrace and distanced so far away from everything we should be about.  Love continues to diminish, self-centredness is running rampant, we destroy the earth rather than nurture it and we hurt the animals we’re supposed to protect.  I don’t even want to say that we’ve become feral, because even some of the animal species don’t behave the way we do.

Cruelty, greed, ignorance and disrespect have become major characteristics in our world, which is apparent in many of the horrible, downright depressing news stories we read.  Parents killing children for the strangest reasons; poverty being allowed to continue while the filthy rich continue to get richer; young boys calling girls “bitches” and “sluts” in schools; a racist, xenophobic mad man in the running for President.

Black people are being pointlessly murdered, and for some reason, we shouldn’t be in an uproar about it, but people wanna get mad at a sportsman making a point and not standing for his national anthem.  When did a life cease to mean anything?  Why does a living person’s actions stir up more emotions in you than someone losing their life?  Why can the United States of America not see that it’s country is inherently racist and riddled with issues?  Why aren’t more of them coming together to do something about it?

Then there are the young individuals running riot with knives and guns, terrorising the UK and each other, wreaking unnecessary violence on our streets.  Taking a life has become second nature to them, as the respect for the living has gone out the window for them and you have to wonder why.  But worse than that, you find yourself asking, who will be next?

Modern slavery takes a new form in what we call work, with companies and managers thinking that they own you because they pay you.  Now it seems that we have been born to live to work, rather than working to live, having to push our lives aside for the every need of our employer.  Unable to nurture relationships or really give to people, we have become so consumed with paperwork and legalities, forgetting about the living, breathing beings walking around.  Is it any wonder that so many families are falling apart and mental illness is on the rise?

The human race has officially lost it, and what’s worst, we’ve lost what it means to actually be human.  If we took more time to regain that, show more love and be a whole lot more selfless, the world would be in a better state.  Of course, a world riddled with sin will never be perfect, but it can be better and that has to start within every one of us.

However, right now, I can truly say that I hate this world and I am desperate for it to come to an end, because I don’t want to be hearing and seeing these horrible things anymore.