Grateful

I’ll Miss You Aunty

DSC_0043My family means the world to me, so losing any one of them is one of the hardest things in the world to deal with, especially when the loss is completely unexpected.  After losing my grandad back in March, I never imagined that I’d have to say a final goodbye to another one of my family members this year, but just under three months later, that is what happened.

Yesterday, I was shocked to the core to the learn of the death of my Aunty Joce.  With my grandad, I at least had some time to prepare for his death after witnessing his battle with illness, but with my aunty it came out of the blue.  I keep on replaying the moment I was told that she died over and over again, because it doesn’t seem real to me.  It’s like we’re all in a bad dream and I just want us to wake up out of it.  Now, all we have is memories.

Some of my most treasured memories with my Aunty Joce are from my childhood.  I loved going round to her maisonette nearby and sleeping over.  I remember sitting down to watch TV with her or reading Cinderella on her sofa.  I also liked when she would do my hair, as it would always look really pretty and extremely neat.  I’ll never forget the time she plaited my hair when my mum was a way, and then put the plaits into two bunches with my favourite hairbands.

My aunty later moved further away, so I saw her less than before, which made every event spent with her a priceless experience.  You could always count on her being the funny one – I know that family gatherings will be missing a lot of laughs without her.  Her quick wit and dry comments never failed to make me laugh, and watching her interact with my grandma was a hilarious source of entertainment.

I also enjoyed going to my aunty’s house, because she was so hospitable.  She always did what she could to ensure you were comfortable, whether that was through giving you a blanket or a pair of slippers.  If my Aunty Joce knew you were coming, she made sure there was food prepared and you would not be disappointed, because she was a real good cook – I used to love her delicious macaroni pie.  I’ll always remember her offering me and my sister a hot drink when we were at her house one evening and saying that we should have a decaf cappuccino she bought at the pound shop, because she thought that they were “very nice”, and you know what, she was right.

Of course, you can’t be hospitable without being caring, which my Aunty Joce was.  When she heard about my grandad, she ensured that she messaged me to show her support.  And when my dad broke his foot, she took the greatest care of him, which I will forever be grateful for.

My aunty also had a real sense of style.  It was great to see the different hats she wore and the different handbags she carried to match her outfits, but more than anything, it was about her reading glasses.  I recall being at my Aunty Joce’s house one day and her showing me and my sister the collection of reading glasses that she had.  When I commented that she had so many, she told me that it was so they could go with different outfits.  Green, purple, black – the glasses came in numerous colours, usually with diamantes on the sides or along the rim.  There was also this very compact pair, which I was amused and a little confused by, but she simply said that they were good for carrying in a small handbag.

My aunty was a gem who will be greatly missed, but she will always be in my heart and I am grateful for all of the memories I have.  I love you always and forever, Aunty Joce, and I hope to see you on that great day when Jesus comes again.  May you rest in peace.

Blessings on Blessings

God is truly blessing me.

I could have written those five words alone and it would have said enough, because it simply states how God is working in my life.  After praying and asking Him for a new job a couple of weeks ago, my God sent the ideal position just days later.  After spending a whole lot of time gaining motivation from Him, last week I successfully held my first youth forum.  Despite worrying at times, I remembered to have faith and put everything in God’s hands, which was the best thing to do, because He had my back without fail.

However, there was an even bigger turning point in our relationship, when I spent a lengthy time on my knees speaking to Him about countless aspects of my life and my need of not only help, but guidance from Him.  God gave me some great answers and I came out of that prayer session rejuvenated, ready to stop living in fear and take on the world, because I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I knew that it was time for me to show more love and respect for myself, which meant not letting people treat me any way they pleased or staying silent when something in my relationships is bothering me or causing me pain.  I knew that it was time to do what needs to be done and say what needs to be said, rather than hesitating and leaving everything until tomorrow.  It was time for me to get really positive and not let others validate my life anymore.  I truly realised that it is only what God thinks that matters.

One of the main things for me to do was speak to one of the friends who had inadvertently been causing me pain and cut ties with him for a while, because there is only so much my heart can take.  After talking to God about how to handle the situation, He made me realise that calling my friend was the best thing to do, rather than engaging in yet another WhatsApp conversation.

It took a lot of courage to override my fear, but I prayed again and made the phone call.  Let’s just say that the conversation with my friend went even better than I could have imagined.  He responded in a way that I would want anyone I have a problem with to respond, and we were able to have a great conversation after a long time of not properly speaking.  My friend is a beautiful person, but I know that God had a real hand in that.

My God is pouring blessings on blessings onto my life and I’m extremely grateful.  As I’ve said before, I’m not even going to try and express my thanks, because no words would be enough.  I just love Him so, so much.

Feeling Special

I’m suddenly feeling a little emotional right now about some of the aspects in my life, but I would say that I’m okay overall.

Seeing my best friend today was great and it put a huge smile on my face, as she is always hilarious and she is definitely my best friend for a reason.  She is someone who puts the best in best friend.

I’m glad that we could catch up and I’m always happy to spend time with her, but speaking to her about certain things made me think about how it would be nice to have a special guy in my life.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not think that guys are the be all and end all, and I am cool with my single life.  However, I sometimes feel that it would be nice to have that special someone who I can call when I need to talk, who will go for walks with me on beautiful and warm evenings, who will hold me when I’m feeling down and will accept me for my flaws.

It feels like there are so many stupid guys around this days who just play the fool and waste my time.  I know I go on about guys not being fair and the right guys not being interested in me, but it continues to be an issue that bothers me.

I know that I’ll be cool and I am grateful for the really special people in my life, but a sweet guy that makes me feel genuinely special would mean a lot to me as well.