Goodbye

My Kobe Bryant Heartbreak

Kobe Bryant, one of my favourite basketball players and one of the best to ever play the game, announced that he would retire at the end of the season.  When I read his beautiful, heartfelt letter on The Players’ Tribune, tears filled my eyes and ran down my face.  It was official.  My favourite [male] basketball player was officially coming to the end of his career.

It hurt me to see Kobe suffer from major injury, after major injury, over the past three seasons, especially as his age made it harder for him to fight back.  Kobe’s decline in this current season has broken my heart, as his body continues to break down, preventing him from being the stellar player we all know he is.  Unfortunately, he won’t be going out in a blaze of glory in his final season, but at least he can see that his time is up and I rate him for that.

When I became a basketball fan, Kobe Bryant was the first player that I fell in love with.  In fact, he was one of the main reasons why I became a Lakers fan and why I always will be.  I could see that he wasn’t perfect and had many flaws, but I love him for who he is.  One of the main reasons why I love Kobe is because of his work ethic.  He is tenacious and he will fight to win, carrying the whole team on his back and trying to get them back into a game all on his own.  It didn’t always work, but when it did, it was magic.

Kobe is also resilient, playing through pain and displaying the most unbelievable endurance.  His strength inspires me and sometimes when I work out, I think about what he does to motivate me and push me harder.  I may not be a sportsperson, but I definitely have the ability to push a little harder if he can shoot two free throws with a torn Achilles — that was an amazing moment for me.

Seeing Kobe play for the Lakers and appear in All-Star games has been a constant for me since I started following the NBA, so knowing that he will no longer be a part of that is really sad for me, but time does move on and people get older.  As much as I hate to say it, this is definitely the right time for Kobe to retire, but at least I’ve had the opportunity to see him play and watch him win two of those five championships.  I also got a close glimpse of him in London, after he’d won his second Olympic gold, which is something that I will treasure forever.

I know that this couldn’t have been an easy decision to make for Kobe, as you can see how much he loves the game, which made me love it right along with him.  Basketball is clearly his first love and having to give up your first love must be one of the hardest things to do.  However, Father Time is knocking and Kobe is showing grace by answering the door, so now it is time of us to start waving good-bye.  I just wish this goodbye could have ended in one final playoff run for him.

For now, I have to say thank you Kobe Bryant for the dedication you showed to the game of basketball and providing us with so many great moments.  You will forever be one of my favourite players and one of the best to ever grace the court.

Kobe Bryant

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Not the Guy

Today you proved that you’re not the guy I thought you were.  You proved once and for all that you’re not the guy for me.  I just wanted that last bit of proof to show me who you really are, and today I got that.

Although I’m sad that I got you all wrong, I’m glad that I finally know the truth so I can move on.  Even though I’m hurt that you don’t respect me or care about me enough to give me some sort of response, I forgive you for all you put me through.  And despite the disappointment I felt when I saw you acting like another guy who had done me wrong, I still care about you.

Like I’ve said before, I don’t know what the future holds but I don’t think that you and I will be close again.  But this doesn’t stop me from caring about you and I will never ever stop caring about you, because you’ve been such a big part of my life for such a long time.

However, I’m entering a new phase of my life now and I guess you’re going to be taking a backseat from now on – especially if you keep on acting like this.  You stopped being the guy I loved so deeply a long time ago and I don’t think I know you anymore.  You’re just like any other guy I know now; there’s nothing special about our relationship.

Yet what makes it worse is that you were the guy I saw myself marrying.  You were the guy I actually wanted to marry.  No matter what anyone said, whether it was my sister or one of my closest friends, I believed that you were the guy for me.

You understood me, you cared about me, you had time for me and I believed that once you matured, we’d finally get together and be happy.  We were the two individuals who our friends always saw as a potential couple and thought belonged together, but I guess you didn’t really see us that way.

I thought you were the one for me, but even if you didn’t agree I thought you genuinely cared about me and saw me in a different light to most females, because I was a close friend and I’d let you in.  The two of us have come so far and been through a lot, so I thought that you’d give me some sort of response and at least apologise.  A simple sorry would mean the world to me.

I feel wounded, not because I didn’t get any type of response, but because it was you that did not give me any type of response.  I stupidly still believed in you and thought that you’d be the special friend I missed so much, but you let me down again.  I expected that other guy to disappoint me and not even attempt to respond, but I never expected that from you.

You continue to find ways to upset me – and it’s usually without even meaning to – but this is the last time.  You’ve proved to me once and for all that I don’t really matter to you, so now I can move forward and I won’t be looking back.

You had my heart, but I’m taking it back.  We had a friendship that meant the world to me, but now it’s dead and gone.  I thought you were the one, but that was just a pointless daydream.  And even though I love you, you’re not the guy that I thought you were.  He’s somebody that I used to know and I’m finally telling him goodbye…

Closed Chapter

Today I closed a chapter in my life, which spent a long time being written.  It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, but even though I looked back and said ‘Goodbye’ with tears in my eyes, I know that it is the right decision.  Although I felt very emotional and sad about leaving this part of my life behind, I am happy that I am doing what is good for me.

I am excited about what new adventures the future holds, but I am also scared about how up in the air my life this part of my life is.  I have lost control of the pen, but I am allowing God to lead me and help write this chapter for me.

I’ve discovered my passion and finally figured out what I really want to do, instead of forcing myself to continue with something I struggle with and was starting to despise, just because I made myself believe that I wanted to do it.

Leaving this part of my life behind me is not an easy task, but it is my past now and I need to look forward to my future.  I am looking forward to starting afresh and turning the page to the new chapter in my life…