Going Wrong

Its frustrating when something that should be simple and you want to go so right, starts to go unbelievably wrong.  It angers you, messes you up a little and drives you crazy.

Something that should have been going right for me at the right time started to go wrong and I was not only angry and frustrated, but I was really upset because of how important it is to me.

Too often, it feels like when things start to go right for me in my life, someone throws a curve ball that makes a piece of it go wrong and that gets me all out of whack.

However, it just reminds me to keep trusting in God and rely solely on Him, because He’s got my back and I know that He will make everything right.

Life is a learning process and I find myself learning new lessons all the time, but more than anything, I am continuing to learn how important it is to put everything in God’s hands.  I know that He is one person who will never let me down and with Him, my life will definitely go in the right direction.

Pulling Away, Shutting Me Out

Why is it that when you tell the people in your life about the problems you may be having with them, they shut you out, push you away or stop speaking to you altogether.

It is painful, unfortunate and at times, frustrating, because you feel that you should be able to talk through your problems with those who are close to you.  If you cannot talk through those things or if they run away at the first hurdle, then it makes you think that maybe you weren’t that close in the first place.

I am someone who would prefer to tell those closest to me what is bothering me, so that it does not stay bottled up and they can understand how I feel.  This works both ways, as I want me and those closest to me to be able to talk through what’s bothering us, rather than blow up at each other later.

However, in my desire to be a caring, kind, loyal friend and prevent any conflict, I find myself holding these things in and constantly making excuses for the people in my life.  I also struggle with revealing my inner feelings, because it seems like I am an easy punch bag or doormat that people would quite easily turn on.

It’s annoying, because it seems that I suffer either way and those who are closest seem to pull away.  Yet it also makes me question the relationship I had with certain people in the first place, making things even worse.

Why should I have to keep my mouth shut though?  Why should I have to keep making excuses for others when they behave as if I am of little importance to them?  Why must I always be the sweet little thing who gets walked over by the people who profess to love me?

I am so sick and tired of all of it, and it hurts, but I am not going to let it bring me down.  It will take a little time, but I will move on and be at peace.  After all, I’ve been through worse and keeping friends in my life who break my heart is detrimental to me.  I just wish that those closest to me could be as understanding of me, as I am of them.


Off My Chest

I know that I’m supposed to be writing about one of the beautiful people in my life, but I just have to get something (or even some things) off my chest.

I am feeling ridiculously emotional these days and I have no idea why, but it is actually starting to bother me.  The smallest little thing can bring me to tears and pointless things make me feel sad.  I managed to make myself cry when sulking about being unable to watch the NFL and I felt extremely sad when struggling to find a phone that I liked.

And what is worse, is that my emotional state is being combined with thoughts of a certain someone.  It seems that no matter how hard I try, I cannot get this person out of my head and it is so frustrating.  I began to forget about him and I haven’t even seen him recently, yet thoughts of him still find a way to cloud my mind and it is annoying.

Yet what makes that even worse still, is that this is the one guy I have been genuinely into for a very long time and he has disappeared into thin air, but I find myself constantly interacting with the most foolish guys.  Why must some males talk the most rubbish and be extremely impatient, like say the females they are talking to don’t have lives?  It’s incredibly unattractive.

My over emotional self is annoying.  My thoughts of this certain someone are frustrating.  And guys are just so ridiculous.  I’m sorry for going off on one, but I just had to get this off my chest before I had an inner explosion.