Emotional Rollercoaster

Riding The Two-Week Emotional Roller Coaster

Up, down,

Round and round,

Not knowing what to think,

What to feel,

Taking me on a roller coaster of emotions.

Riding that roller coaster

Over the past two weeks,

On a journey more special

Than I ever imagined.

Surrounded by friends,

Old and new,

Further developing my extended family,

I was encircled by love,

Filling my heart to the full,

Falling in love with all around me.

In spite of this love,

I felt a sadness,

Pain cutting through my heart

With no way to stop it.

Grief hit me,

A sense of loneliness overtook me,

Feeling hurt by somebody,

Like an outsider around everybody.

Taking some time out,

Some time to recuperate,

I began to heal, smile

Grow, learn,

Embrace all that was going on around me.

 

Suddenly, believing love was possible again,

Laying myself bare for all to see,

Gaining a better understanding of who I was,

And what I could really be.

Overcome with sadness to be going home,

But filled with happiness and glee,

It was time for this ride to come to an end,

It had become a little too much for me.

I finished this ride feeling

Like I had at the start,

A little unsure,

Quite out-of-place,

A little despondent at heart;

Not looking at some the same way,

Feeling a bond had been broken,

Confused at how I got someone so wrong,

But not surprised, as they are human.

My feelings may have been the same,

But I was different,

Reacting, handling things in a better way,

This emotional roller coaster was truly special,

No one can ever take that away.

My 2015 Journey

2015 was definitely a journey for me, taking me on an emotional rollercoaster, flying me to different destinations, driving me forward in my endeavors and breaking to a halt at times.  I’d been told by some that this would be my year and it was in some ways, but there were times when it was a complete mess.  I found myself feeling happy, excited and loved, but there were times when I felt lost, weak and withdrawn.  Let’s just say that it was an intriguing year.

One of the greatest factors was watching myself grow in confidence and start to develop more self-esteem, which I’ve seriously been lacking over the years.  Going to Bosnia was a major help in developing my confidence, as I was forced out of comfort zone numerous times.  It was nerve-wracking, but so much fun and amazing for my development.  Bosnia also helped a little in developing my self-esteem, but I know that mainly come from studying the Gospels and reading them as if they were just for me, as recommended by Pastor Kelly.

However, there are a number of issues that have continued to rear their ugly head this year.  In fact, I’ve found myself in my third round of counselling, which has been a great help and allowed me to address some of the things I’d pushed to the back of my mind.  There were the continuing issues of self-worth, understanding my feelings, being more assertive and the need for love or attention, which resulted in a regrettable situation that left me in a mess for months.  I’m getting past it now though and I’ve learnt some valuable lessons in the process.

As I told you yesterday in my Top 5 Moments, I was blessed enough to leave the country twice, get my first paid writing job and make a short film to take my youth project forward.  Speaking of my youth project, I was also blessed enough to get myself a logo and domain name, as well as a little help from some funding.  I’ve continued building up my other blog, Young People Insight, and the support has been great.

I also had the opportunity to start writing for Limelight Magazine in Croydon, a lifestyle magazine for young people by young people.  Reporting for Limelight gave me the chance to attend the press day for the stunning Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty exhibition at the V&A.  However, as I started at Limelight, my time writing for Live Mag UK sadly came to a close with the decision to end the online platform, also for young people by young people.  I loved being a part of Live for the past year and I will forever adore them for allowing me to write about my beloved American sports.

Friendships were made, some ended, some were repaired.  Walls and barriers were broken down, disagreements and arguments erupted.  I laughed a lot, I cried a lot.  God gave me the strength to push through the hardships, although there were occasions when I was too weak to fight and gave up.  However, I’ve almost made it through the year and I’ve grown more than I could have imagined and gained more than I ever imagined.

There is more that I wanted to achieve this year and I know that there is more I could have done, but I’ve got to take things one step at a time and be thankful for everything I have achieved.  After all, 2016 is another year and I know that by God’s grace, I’ll be doing a lot more when the new year comes.  I look forward to the journey 2016 will take me on.

An Epic Read

Last Thursday, I was ecstatic to see that The Tribe: A New Dawn, the second book to continue the story of TV show, The Tribe, had arrived.  This was a book that I desperately wanted and I had only ordered it about two days prior, so having it arrive so quickly meant that I could not contain my excitement.

The Tribe truly is my most favourite programme ever and I was devastated when it ended, but thankfully these books have allowed the plotlines to follow through and develop.  Although the first novel, The Tribe: A New World, did not fail to disappoint, author A.J. Penn, stepped up to make A New Dawn even better.

Once I started reading A New Dawn, I could not put the book down and I had it finished within one day.  Just like a TV episode, each chapter finished with a cliffhanger or nail-biting moment, which meant that I had to read on to find out what would happen to each character.  I found myself cheering for my most loved characters in their victories, feeling sad in their defeats and getting annoyed at some of their silly or naive antics.

Reading this book was kind of like an emotional rollercoaster, as I found myself happy for the outcome of some characters, before being brought down again by the sad fate of others.  The end was heartbreaking and I ended up with tears in my eyes, but there are also so many great developments that will create plenty of storylines for the next novel in the saga.

I hope that there will be more of Tai-San, as I was disappointed about her not being a key fixture in the main body of the novel when she played a major part in the prologue.  I also want the Mall Rats to eventually find her so that she can get back with Lex, because they belong together.  Any other girl who gets involved with Lex just needs to step aside, because Lex and Tai-San are soul mates.

The Tribe: A New Dawn was an epic book and I will definitely be reading it again.  If you’re a fan of The Tribe, go and get your copy now, and even if you’re not a fan, you should read it anyway.  Jut make sure that you read The Tribe: A New World first.