Filling my mind,
Time and time again,
Is a thought I wish would go away,
But instead stays put,
Like an unwelcome stranger;
Stalking around and whispering in my ear,
Telling me you’re destined to remain
A single number one forever,
Never to join with another.
Dates aren’t on the cards,
As no king wants to make you their queen,
Leaving jokers standing in their place,
Trying to spit game;
Taking “the one” out of the equation,
Not that he stood a chance anyway,
Because your unbalanced insecurities,
Prevented any chance of equality.
The unwelcome voice does not stand on its own,
My inability to trust ensures it is not alone,
Joined by my ease of seeing the worst in others,
Forming a wall to keep my heart covered.
Then there’s the way I see my reflection,
In the mirror,
Small, dumpy and chubby,
Missing that glimmer,
Which the girlies in my life
Seem to have in abundance,
Leaving me sidelined, out in the cold,
Feeling slightly pointless.
Why aren’t my calves smaller?
Why isn’t my stomach flatter?
Can’t my face be a little slimmer?
Are my glasses the problem?
Raising more questions than answers,
My appearance arises as the main issue,
Mixed with clashes of morals and personalities,
Trust issues and doubt,
A barricaded heart and countless insecurities.
So I find myself back at the beginning,
The single number one,
Giving into the unwelcome voice,
Filling my mind;
Because I’m over it,