I’m sitting here thinking that I cannot believe it’s been a whole year since you passed. It’s been a whole year since I felt the shock of those six words, uttered from my mum’s mouth. It’s been a whole year since you were cruelly taken away from us, without warning. It’s been a whole year without you and it sucks.
The time has flown by and I guess that doesn’t make dealing with the pain any better. It feels like you should still be here among us, making me laugh with your dry humour and many brilliant stories. You should still be in the kitchen, whipping up food like it’s a sport. You should still be out shopping for your bargains, leaving your reading glasses here and there, watching Judge Judy on TV.
You should also still be here to bring light to our family. Seriously Aunty Joce, family gatherings and special occasions have not felt the same without you. It’s like there is a big, gaping hole that will never, ever be filled. I remember thinking how much you would have loved Uncle Selo and Aunty Doriel’s masquerade party. There were numerous times when I thought about how you would have had me overflowing with laughter at grandma’s last birthday celebration – there were some wise cracks that only would have come from your mouth and I genuinely missed that.
Twelve months have passed, but that hasn’t stopped the pain I feel and I don’t think that pain will ever fully go away. That pain feels especially raw now, as I mourn an uncle who was snatched away suddenly – not only am I reminded of the cruel way we lost you, but I don’t have your kind and supportive words to comfort me at this time. I know that you would have sent me a message, because you were so wonderful like that.
August felt really raw as well, because you know, that’s our birthday month. I didn’t get a lovely message from you and I wasn’t able to send a message to you either, which felt horrible. I hate that a month that was so full of birthdays is now emptier without you in it. However, knowing that we shared that bond will always make it extra special.
I still miss you so much Aunty Joce, but the many memories of you still remain and I hope they will never fade. They bring a smile to my face as I remember you at your best, rather than the tears that spring to my eyes when I recall that you’ve passed. I just live in hope that I’ll see you again on that great day when my Jesus returns.
I love you with all my heart, always and forever.