My mind is like a washing machine, with thoughts and questions tumbling and turning around in my head. I jump from one point to another, thinking about various aspects of my life and trying to stay positive, not letting the inner demons take over.
Wondering will anything actually go right for me, instead of regularly sinking in the wrong direction or throwing me off course. However, I need to remember that God always comes through for me and that I need to have faith in Him, faith in what He will do for me, faith in His perfect timing.
I find myself asking, why do people keep leaving me? Not just friends, but those advising me and helping me through certain endeavours in my life, moving on to pastures anew when I’ve become comfortable and built up trust with them. However, I need to remember that they’re not specifically leaving me, but just going forward in their life and who am I to prevent them from doing that.
Then there is the issue of love, my heart, the guys in my life. Oh, the guys in my life. Why can’t I like the ones who like me, rather than liking the wrong ones or the guys who are never going to like me? Why does my mind keep coming back to the same guy, who is definitely the wrong guy? Thinking I’m going to be single for a very long time, that my vision of love doesn’t look like it’s coming anytime soon. However, I need to remember to be patient and faithful, believing that God will send me the right guy at the right time in my life.
I’m frustrated, I’m upset, I’m conflicted and tired of trying to get things done, but having them go wrong. Yet I’m thankful, strong enough to get through and getting more resilient all the time. My God has always helped me through and He will never let me down, so despite all the negative questions and thoughts, I’m holding on.