The State I’m In


Pain.

Pressure.

Confusion.

Feelings of illness.

Feelings of loneliness.

Feelings of being unloved.

Countless thoughts,

Running through my mind,

Like a marathon that just won’t stop.

It’s like a ton is weighing down on me,

Burdening my heart,

Burdening my soul,

So I feel emotionally drained,

Matching the physical drain,

Caused by the anemia,

That wants to drain me,

Like the plug hole it is.

Plugging the anemia,

A relatively simple task;

But lifting the emotional ton,

Not so easy.

I feel pained,

I feel tired,

I feel used.

The friend that is a necessity,

Only speaking to me when you need something,

Otherwise I basically don’t exist.

Loved in words,

But not necessarily in action,

Hearing or reading “I love you”,

Yet those eight letters

Don’t match what you do.

Not alone, but feeling lonely,

Loved, but feeling unloved,

Walking among the world,

But disconnected from the people in it.

I feel stupid and frustrated,

Begin to be even harder on myself,

As I’m making something out of nothing,

Making it all worse than it seems.

There are others who have nothing,

No one,

No where to start

In finding their place in the world.

So I should be thankful for what I have,

Appreciate the ones who appreciate me,

Value those who love me,

Remember my purpose in the world.

It’s difficult though,

Dealing with all my demons,

Hearing the negative voices in my head,

Remembering the pain of the past,

Reliving my stupid mistakes.

It gets worst

When I’m ignored,

Seemingly unappreciated,

Or tossed aside for others,

Not made to feel I’ve done well,

That others are always doing better.

Or when I don’t get support

From the ones I love,

The ones who are supposed to love me;

My family and the people I grew up with.

Maybe I’m just not worth the loyalty.

I hate the hurt and feelings of discontent,

Seeming self-centred and full of contempt.

I’m not throwing myself a pity party,

Because I certainly ain’t no victim,

I simply want to let out

The distressed emotional state I’m in.

 

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