Pulling Away, Shutting Me Out

Why is it that when you tell the people in your life about the problems you may be having with them, they shut you out, push you away or stop speaking to you altogether.

It is painful, unfortunate and at times, frustrating, because you feel that you should be able to talk through your problems with those who are close to you.  If you cannot talk through those things or if they run away at the first hurdle, then it makes you think that maybe you weren’t that close in the first place.

I am someone who would prefer to tell those closest to me what is bothering me, so that it does not stay bottled up and they can understand how I feel.  This works both ways, as I want me and those closest to me to be able to talk through what’s bothering us, rather than blow up at each other later.

However, in my desire to be a caring, kind, loyal friend and prevent any conflict, I find myself holding these things in and constantly making excuses for the people in my life.  I also struggle with revealing my inner feelings, because it seems like I am an easy punch bag or doormat that people would quite easily turn on.

It’s annoying, because it seems that I suffer either way and those who are closest seem to pull away.  Yet it also makes me question the relationship I had with certain people in the first place, making things even worse.

Why should I have to keep my mouth shut though?  Why should I have to keep making excuses for others when they behave as if I am of little importance to them?  Why must I always be the sweet little thing who gets walked over by the people who profess to love me?

I am so sick and tired of all of it, and it hurts, but I am not going to let it bring me down.  It will take a little time, but I will move on and be at peace.  After all, I’ve been through worse and keeping friends in my life who break my heart is detrimental to me.  I just wish that those closest to me could be as understanding of me, as I am of them.



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