I take quite a lot in my stride. In fact, I have spent over half the years in my life taking a lot in my stride, usually from those that I thought were closest to me.
I am usually very patient, taking a lot of rubbish from people and dealing with the annoying things that they say. I stay quiet and unassuming, even when I have been hurt or stung by the words others have used.
I take others getting at me or attacking me, when I don’t deserve their insults or when there are sometimes others who should be taking the flack with me.
There is also a lot I take at home, which I prefer to keep hidden and not talk about. What happens in my home has made it feel less like a home and more like a house, which is never what a home should feel like.
I feel unappreciated and sometimes unloved. It’s like I’m second best, who is regularly treated like Cinderella when I am also trying to make a way for my self. Sometimes I’m told that I’m playing the victim, but that is never what I’m trying to do.
If only more people would truly listen to me and hear what I’m saying to them, then they’d get a better understanding of me. I feel like on too many occasions, I’m not listened to or supported, which makes me incredibly frustrated and just more misunderstood.
Getting the genuine, long-term help and support I need from other people on this earth seems to be a constant struggle for me, and it is usually me who’s on the losing side. I’m just tired of it and no matter how hard I try to stay strong, I’m getting a little tired of the fighting.
I’m just leaving it all to God now, because I feel incredibly weak and I’m struggling with the will to carry on. All I want to do is lie in my bed and sleep forever…