The devil has played me good and proper, you know. As I talked to one of my closest friends recently, it dawned on me just how much the devil has messed me up and poisoned my mind.
I spent so long attacking myself and putting myself down, that I believed that I was at the central point of anything going wrong in my life. When my friend was drifting away – because he was working on himself and he needed that time to himself – I made myself believe that it was because of something I had done wrong.
Although I was always kind, caring and supportive, I believed that I had inadvertently done something. Even though we had no arguments or any issues, I thought that I had somehow offended him. Somehow, my actions or what I’d said had caused my friend to distance from me and that made me think that nothing he’d said was true.
However, when we actually spoke in person, he asked me what I could possibly have done. He said that I could not say anything that bad that would make him not want to speak to me, and he assured me that his distance was because he needed to sort himself out, rather than run away from me.
I sat there, wanting to slap myself for being so ridiculous and laugh at how much I had let the devil get into my head. I am so glad that God has finally helped me realise that I am not always the problem, even though I would have myself believe that I am. Not everything is my fault and I am not the stupid, annoying, pathetic person I spent so long thinking I was.
The devil has had a stronghold in me, but with God guiding me, I am finally fighting through and cutting it down. My mind and the voice in my head has proved so dangerous over the years, but I am now getting out of that danger and into the safety of my God’s loving arms.