Hole in My Heart


For some reason, there is a hole in my heart that I seem to be trying hard to fill with the affection or attention that I receive from guys.  However, this is the wrong way to go about things, as I need to be filling this hole with the love that I receive from God rather than with the affection from other guys.

Although I know that God needs to have my whole heart, I need to figure out why I have this hole in my heart, because it is not doing me any favours.  Every time a guy lets me down or ignores me or doesn’t like me in return, it eats away at me and I find myself reminded of my past issues with other guys, which hurts me even more.

It doesn’t help that the guys I’m interested in don’t show interest in me, as I continue to get tired of the sick joke that someone is playing on my love life.  A few days ago, the hole in my heart reared its ugly head again as I struggled with the feelings I have for the guys I  wrote about in a previous post.

I was especially upset about the cute guy who took my number – let’s call him N.  N is not only gorgeous, but he is sweet, funny and interesting.  I felt comfortable speaking to him and he is actually good at holding a conversation, which is not the case with a lot of guys these days.  For some reason, I found myself pulled towards a guy I hardly even know, who gave me genuine butterflies when I saw him.

N was the first guy I had been genuinely interested in for a long time, but it seems that his interest in my wasn’t genuine, like so many of the guys out there.  I just wish I knew what kind of game he was playing and I wish that he had never approached me in the first place – it would make life so much easier.

I guess things are not meant to be with me and N, which does get to me but I just have to accept it.  However, I just want a guy to give me some hope and make me believe that I can open up and trust again.  Now it’s up to me to work on myself and fill this hole in my heart, as God won’t grant me the right guy until I’m whole.  It’s just hard sometimes, as everyone wants to be loved right.

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11 comments

  1. God can fill that whole but for sone reason you haven’t given him the whoke thing. There seems to be something that is hindering you that you aren’t giving it to the Lord.

    The moment you give whatever it is you will see that void filled.

    I been down that road long time ago. And believe me you wilk get to the place if wholeness when you face the truth of what is going on.

    1. I know that there’s something more I need to give to Him, but I just can’t figure out what it is and I am trying so hard to figure out why. Thank you for your words of consideration, they mean a lot.

      1. You are welcome, it’s always hard for us as humans. Try not to worry over it and if possible stop thinking about it. Just release it to Him.

      2. Let me say I too find it difficult but I am learning if I don’t I only end up hurting myself.

        The enemy wants you to hold on to it, your flesh is fighting what you already know in your heart to do.

        God will not move until you release it to Him. He never forces us to do anything

  2. I’m reading a book right now that you might be interested in. It’s called “Spoken For” by Alyssa Joy Bethke. Check it out! -JG

  3. Dear sis, I’ve been in that space before, at a time I had lost a huge part of myself and I realize I ended up seeking wholeness through others; guys.
    It left me depleted, as we all know depending on others always leaves room for disappointment.
    I have learnt to love myself and be content in what the process has to offer..
    Wishing you wellness and love.*
    Blessed Be.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to share; I appreciate your words of support and encouragement. I am still learning to be content and truly happy with myself, but I know that I’m going to get there. Blessings and love to you.

  4. This is difficult, especially being a young girl I think. It sounds like you have some pretty good advice already, but I think it’s important to work on shifting our focus from us ( or guys) to Christ. The longing and the hole we feel in our hearts is natural but it’s made to point us to Christ like you said. No human can truly fill it. Christ desires to have our whole heart and pursuit ( the way He pursues us). It’s through seeking Him for who He is and understanding His great love for us that we begin to be filled. Another thing I’ve been thinking on recently is, try to get too caught up with emotions. They come and go. Dwell on God’s truth which is you are priceless, you are wanted, and you are loved with an everlasting love.. even if you never find a guy. Another really good book is “With an Everlasting Love” by Kay Arthur.
    Hang in there… I understand the struggle.
    -Ellie June

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and amazing advice. It always feels better to have someone who understands what I’m going through. I plan to work on all this and I appreciate the book reccomendation.

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