Feeling Conflicted


My joke of a love life has taken some steps forward, but it continues to be a joke and all that it has done is left me feeling conflicted.  I don’t want to hurt anyone, cause trouble, go through crap or end up hurt myself (which is always likely when it comes to cases of the heart in my life).

However, I don’t see why I should feel so conflicted, because I’m not dating anyone, I’m not anyone’s girlfriend and I’m not properly involved with any guy.  I mean yeah, I have some feelings, but I haven’t fully acted on them yet and I now have no intention of doing that; at least not until I’ve sorted out how I feel and where I stand.

I told you about the friend I was starting to consider as more than a friend, and it seemed like we may have been heading in that direction, but I don’t have a good idea of what he’s thinking.  I don’t know if he genuinely likes me or if he’s just interested in a bit of fun, but I don’t want to be that girl who is just there for the fun.  I want something concrete and I almost went down that road.

Nevertheless, that did not happen and I think it was for the best, because I later saw one of the cute guys who I actually wanted to give my number to, but had not received a call from.  It turned out that he had lost my number and he was still “interested” in me (you know I can’t trust guys until they prove they’re genuine).  This time I took his number, which was much easier, but he referred to me using a term that I didn’t expect at all, especially considering we’d only spoken three times.

I did call him and we had an interesting conversation, which allowed me to learn more about him.  He continued to show interest in me, but I had to slow him down a little bit, because I refuse to rush into anything again or buy into a guy’s sweet talking – anyone can say anything they want to and not mean it, because words are just words.

There is something about this guy though and I do seem to have some sort of pull towards him, but somehow I find myself feeling bad, because of what could potentially be happening with my friend.  I don’t want to make a mistake or hurt anyone, so I think that I am just gonna ride solo for a while and see what happens down the road.  I just wish that I knew what both guys were really thinking, because I am so over feeling conflicted.

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