Make It Stop

I’m sure we all wish that we could switch off our feelings sometimes, but unfortunately, that is not the case in this life.  I have expressed to you before how much I would like to be able to turn off my feelings for guys, because it would make my life so much simpler and probably a lot happier.  It sure would have saved me from a lot of counselling sessions, I can tell you that.

However, I do catch feelings for guys, despite how hard I try to turn them off and convince myself that I do not like them.  I would prefer to lie to myself rather than facing up to the truth, but I’ve found that it’s not really healthy; although it would make me feel better about myself, as the guys I’m interested in don’t seem to like me back, which is the main reason for me fighting those feelings.

See, life would be so much easier if I just liked the guys who were interested me, like one of the other guys who took my number and has now decided to return after I thought he gave up (it was truly ridiculous and he reeked of desperation).  This doesn’t happen for me though and I found myself in complicated, annoying situations, which don’t usually end well on my behalf.

I’ve started to question my feelings for the friend that I mentioned in ‘Just a Joke’, as certain things have caused me think differently about him.  However, I am not entirely sure if these feelings are real or fabricated from what others have said and my mind running away with me.  Like I said before, he is a really special person who I am sure would be good for me, unlike other guys from my past, but there are a number of other factors to take into consideration.

One of the main things I have to consider is my continued interest in other guys, especially the two cuties who I was willing to give my number to.  I don’t want to be unfair, but I can’t help how I feel.  To be honest, I wish that I did not have feelings for anyone unless I was sure that they liked me, but that’s not the way life goes.  I just want to make it stop.


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