Pushing You Away


I did it.  I deleted you and I pushed you away, even though it was nowhere near as easy as I thought it would be.

My heart was pounding, I felt nervous and I was scared of any future reactions.  However, there was still a part of me that was hoping you would somehow show me that you were worth the risk, but you didn’t.

I realised that I did have real feelings for you, but it was too late because I don’t think you have real feelings for me.  You got a small insight into the person I really am, rather than just the sweet, caring, pretty girl who is on the surface and you ran a mile, just like the others before you.  And you know what, it hurt.

I’m angry at myself for being so stupid and allowing myself to like you, especially as you live in another continent, but I’ve learnt my lesson.  I won’t be allowing myself to like another guy for a long time and I will be certain that the next guyI like has genuine feelings for me.  My heart is closed off and the next man to open it again will have to be something special.

Cutting people off is always painful and cutting you off was just as hard, because I so wanted to take the risk.  Time is too short, but I guess that’s why it’s best for me to move on now before I get in too deep.  You’ve found a way to hurt me like the other guys before you and I will never forget that.  Why can’t guys just be honest and prove that at least one of them is different?

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2 comments

  1. I like the way you approached this. It says a lot about relationships. We do not always know whether a relationship is really good or bad for us. We can only hope that it will work out well. When it does not work out, we are set in protective mode. My son experienced a bad time in a relationship that he thought would last forever. He was bound, but now he is free, Free to be himself and reconnect with long-lose friends. He is finally happy…but oh what he had to suffer at the hands of the wrong person!

    1. Thank you, I appreciate your support. We never know what the future holds, but sometimes I don’t think the risk is worth it. I’m glad to hear that your son is free though, that is the way we all should be.

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