Over the years, I have struggled with letting people in. Even though I may embark on a close friendship with someone, a part of me still holds back because I am afraid to really let them in.
In fact, there are only a small number of people who I have let into my life, my heart and the depths of my mind. It is mainly because I don’t believe that I need to fully let everyone in, because that is unnecessary, but it is also because I am afraid of getting hurt, rejected or pushed aside.
There are people who I have let in, like my previous best friends, a special guy in my life and the friend that I wrote about yesterday who broke my heart. These individuals and a number of others have all gone on to hurt me in some way, which has made me determined to not let anyone else in.
This will make it harder when I go into a relationship with a guy, especially with the man who I eventually hope to marry, but it is guys who have contributed a lot to why I do not want to let anyone else in. When I just consider letting a particular person into my heart, they find a way to mess up, lie, play me around or just forget about me all together.
For some reason, there are friends that seem to leave me behind and guys do not seem to treat me fairly. Even the guys who I do not like but claim to like me end up treating me wrong and being dishonest, when there is absolutely no reason. I am sick of it and it just makes me wonder, what is actually wrong with me?
I am afraid to let people in and I don’t think I will be letting anyone new into my heart for a while, but I know that this is something else that I will have to work through. However, this is going to take a lot more time and it is going to take quite a few people to show me that letting them in is worth the risk.