Not feeling like myself is not a situation I like being in at all, especially as I start to shut down when it happens. I go into a shell that is not always easy to get out of and I become a lesser (and quieter) version of me.
I stop feeling like myself for a number of reasons, but it mainly happens because I am feeling uncomfortable, anxious, unhappy and/or out-of-place. Even having people who I know and love around me cannot do anything to stop it, although they can sometimes make it easier so that I don’t fully retreat into my shell.
When I’m not feeling myself I sit there vacantly and alone, excluding myself from a group of people. A sad or depressed look clouds my face, which makes it a lot harder for me to hide from the outside world (I really need to work on that). My smile becomes a little empty, I mostly sit there in silence, my mind wanders elsewhere and my confidence seems to go out the window.
It bothers me, because I stop being the happy, bubbly, smiley person that I am. The social ability and confidence I have is not there, so I become like a sort of recluse and I hate that.
Yesterday I stopped feeling like myself and I felt that all the steps I’d taken forward with my confidence just took a big step back; and the worst thing about it was that I was actually with people I knew. However, I find that times when I don’t feel like myself usually take place when I am around a big group of people who I know.
I sat silently on my own for a long period of time with a down look on my face. I didn’t even have the confidence to project my voice in front of people, which does not usually happen to me, but I was that nervous and I suddenly felt outside of my comfort zone. I knew that there were numerous factors that made me feel this way though, but I’m afraid I can’t share them with you today.
Not feeling like myself is a horrible thing and I can’t stand when it happens, mainly because I know that it is happening and there is not a lot I can do to stop it. I guess all I can do is try to brighten my spirits and force myself to talk, but I don’t really want to have to force myself because I become unnatural. But what can I say, I’m still a work in progress…