Not Myself


Not feeling like myself is not a situation I like being in at all, especially as I start to shut down when it happens.  I go into a shell that is not always easy to get out of and I become a lesser (and quieter) version of me.

I stop feeling like myself for a number of reasons, but it mainly happens because I am feeling uncomfortable, anxious, unhappy and/or out-of-place.  Even having people who I know and love around me cannot do anything to stop it, although they can sometimes make it easier so that I don’t fully retreat into my shell.

When I’m not feeling myself I sit there vacantly and alone, excluding myself from a group of people.  A sad or depressed look clouds my face, which makes it a lot harder for me to hide from the outside world (I really need to work on that).  My smile becomes a little empty, I mostly sit there in silence, my mind wanders elsewhere and my confidence seems to go out the window.

It bothers me, because I stop being the happy, bubbly, smiley person that I am.  The social ability and confidence I have is not there, so I become like a sort of recluse and I hate that.

Yesterday I stopped feeling like myself and I felt that all the steps I’d taken forward with my confidence just took a big step back; and the worst thing about it was that I was actually with people I knew.  However, I find that times when I don’t feel like myself usually take place when I am around a big group of people who I know.

I sat silently on my own for a long period of time with a down look on my face.  I didn’t even have the confidence to project my voice in front of people, which does not usually happen to me, but I was that nervous and I suddenly felt outside of my comfort zone.  I knew that there were numerous factors that made me feel this way though, but I’m afraid I can’t share them with you today.

Not feeling like myself is a horrible thing and I can’t stand when it happens, mainly because I know that it is happening and there is not a lot I can do to stop it.  I guess all I can do is try to brighten my spirits and force myself to talk, but I don’t really want to have to force myself because I become unnatural.  But what can I say, I’m still a work in progress…

Advertisements

4 comments

  1. This happens to me when I have not spent enough quiet time alone doing things I enjoy or just being quiet. I find that it is my soul’s signal to myself to spend some time recharging my energy. If I overextend my energy over time with other people (even friends!), then this happens. I think many many many natural introverts experience this and then we also fight the idea that the “ideal” is to be always extroverted and overtly having fun, which makes us feel worse about being introverted. So, accept yourself and your personality for the lovely person you are and not what you think of as the “ideal” or “right” way to be.

  2. I can relate to this. I guess we all have days like this. Sometimes life just wears you down and it is hard to be happy all the time. It is especially hard when you have things going on in your life that aren’t joyful. It is ok not to smile every day or smile a vacant smile. I often smile at others to make them feel better even when I am feeling down and out. I hope your day gets better and you find your smile. 😉

    1. Thank you for your thoughtful words, it’s always nice to know that someone else can relate to what I’ve written. My day has got a lot better thank you and the sun is definitely bringing out my smile 🙂

Comment at Your Leisure

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s