There are times when I find myself feeling lonely and it just brings back all those memories of how lonely, alone and isolated I felt in the past. I don’t want to feel lonely and I definitely don’t like feeling lonely, especially when I am surrounded by people.
Although I know that I will never literally be lonely and alone, because of the God in my life, my family and certain friends, there are times when people in my life find a way to make me feel lonely and isolated, mainly because I am regularly left out.
Now I am not someone who thinks I need to know and be involved in absolutely everything, but it is nice to be kept in the loop and feel like I am part of a group. There is nothing worse than being in a group of people and not really being in the group. It makes me feel like a spare part who does not actually fit, as I sit quietly not being able to get involved in particular conversations and watch as individuals whisper like I’m not even there.
For some reason, it seems that no matter what I do, there are times when I am seen as the second-rate friend. It’s like I’m not good enough to be a real part of the group, so I am left sitting on the outside of their inner circle and you know what, it hurts.
I don’t like to sit dwelling on this, because it upsets my spirit, and I don’t want to spend time thinking about something that will bring me down. I don’t understand why I regularly find myself in this situation, but such is life.
I have a truly amazing God in my life and I know that he will never leave me or treat me like a second-rate citizen. I have a special sister, who I can always turn to. I have a great best friend who is always loyal. I have a lovely twin who appreciates me as much as I appreciate him. I have a hilarious friend who I adore and a kooky friend who I’ve got a lot of love for. And I also have both of my parents in my life.
I don’t like feeling lonely, but I cannot change how people are going to act around me or force them to treat me differently. I just have to count my blessings and keep living my life as best as I can.