After some deep thinking and soul-searching, I see that I have some serious inner demons to deal with. There are so many problems that have originated in my head and I’m constantly struggling with internal battles.
No matter how badly anyone has treated me or how much they’ve hurt me, I am definitely my own worst enemy. I’m always making myself feel worst – especially in bad situations – by putting myself down. I haven’t always loved myself and I say negative things that I’ve come up with all on my own.
As I’ve said before, I am my own worst critic. When I feel hurt or let down I criticise who I am, because I believe that it is all my fault. I constantly tell myself, “I’m alone”, “I don’t belong”, “I’m nothing special”, “I won’t amount to anything” and “I’m not good enough”. I’d ask myself, “Why aren’t I pretty enough”, “Why am I never good enough” and “Why don’t they care”?
However, it was the enemy who was finding a way to plant these thoughts in my head. He was able to put up a stronghold and I just continued to do the work for him by destroying myself from within. These battles I’ve been fighting inside have prevented me from moving forward. My own mind and heart have become the obstacles I need to overcome to really put my past behind me.
But God has come to my rescue, in more ways than one. Although I’m currently fighting the war of my heart and mind, and trying to obliterate my inner demons for good, I know that God is with me every step of the way. God will not leave me alone during this struggle – He will continue to strengthen me and make me more than a conqueror.
Wiping out my inner demons is going to be tough, but I have faith that it will happen, because God is on my side. And this means that I’m on the winning side.