The Void


There’s been a void in my heart that I’ve tried to fill, usually in the wrong way, resulting in me getting hurt and feeling bad about myself.

I think this void opened up when I fell in love with someone and I was not able to tell him, as I’m sure he did not love me back.  We were never able to get it together and I think my feelings for him were always a lot stronger than the feelings he had for me.

I struggled with this more than I realised, so I tried to fill the space he had in my heart with other guys, but this never seemed to work and I never felt any better.  I also longed to feel wanted by someone, as the person – or at times people – I wanted did not seem to want me.

This desire to feel wanted led me to do certain things I am not proud of, which not only made me feel worse about myself, but also brought further hurt and pain.  The void continued to widen and my heart continued to break, but I still tried to fill the cracks with new guys I liked or thought I liked, which never seemed to go well.

Looking to guys to make me feel better and mend my heart always made me feel worse, as I was searching in the wrong place to fill a void that no one but God could fill.  God’s grace and love for me makes me more special than any guy will ever make me feel, and I need to always remember that.  Although the guy I love may not love me, God will always love me and He can fill the void to make my heart whole again.

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2 comments

  1. No one else can ever fulfill one’s need to love the Self. One must feel loved alone before finding love in someone else. Otherwise, one becomes a succubus draining the energy from others yet never filling her own void. May you know the love of God/Self and peace.

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